Love Those Who Hurt You: The Hardest Command

Let’s be honest—loving people who have hurt us feels impossible. Whether it’s a betrayal, a broken friendship, or deep wounds from family, the idea of forgiving and loving those who have wronged us seems unfair.

But Jesus didn’t leave us much room for negotiation.

The Command We Don’t Want to Follow

Jesus didn’t say, “Love your friends and tolerate your enemies.” He said something far more radical:

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:44

Enemies. Persecutors. The ones who hurt you most.

This kind of love isn’t natural—it’s supernatural. It’s not about feeling warm and fuzzy. It’s about choosing to reflect God’s love, even when everything in us wants to fight back or walk away.

Why Should We Love Them?

1. Because God Loved Us First
   • “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8
   • We weren’t just undeserving—we were enemies of God. And yet, He gave everything for us.
2. Because It Sets Us Free
   • Holding onto anger and resentment binds us to the past.
   • Forgiving someone doesn’t mean excusing them—it means refusing to let them control your heart.
   • “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
3. Because It Shows the World Who Jesus Is
   • Loving the lovable? That’s easy. But radical love is what sets followers of Christ apart.
   • “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:35

Love Doesn’t Mean Rebuilding the Relationship

Forgiving someone and loving them as Christ commands does not mean you have to let them back into your life. Boundaries are biblical.

• Jesus Himself did not entrust Himself to everyone because He knew their hearts (John 2:24-25).
• “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” – 1 Corinthians 15:33
• If someone is toxic, dangerous, or unrepentant, you can love them from a distance without reestablishing a harmful connection.

Love does not mean access. Forgiveness does not mean trust.

How Do We Actually Do This?

Loving those who hurt us is a process—it doesn’t happen overnight. Here’s how to start:

• Pray for them. (Yes, really. Even if it’s just asking God to help you not hate them.)
• Release the need for revenge. (Romans 12:19: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”)
• Set boundaries if needed. Loving someone doesn’t mean putting yourself in harm’s way.
• Remember who you are. You are not defined by what they did to you—you are defined by the love of God.

What If You Just Can’t?

You’re not alone. This kind of love isn’t humanly possible—which is why we need Jesus to help us.

• Ask Him to soften your heart.
• Ask Him to heal your wounds.
• Ask Him to help you see them the way He does.

Because at the end of the day, loving those who hurt you isn’t about them. It’s about being free.

Reflection Question:

Who do you need to release today? What’s one step you can take to move toward love instead of bitterness?

Let’s talk in the comments.