Why We Should Give Thanks—Even for “What You’re Supposed to Do”

Keyword: Give Thanks

“Why should I thank you? That’s your job.”

That sentence may seem small—but for many, it cuts deep. It implies that effort doesn’t matter if it’s expected. That consistency is invisible. That duty doesn’t deserve gratitude.

And yet, when we pray, we thank God not just for miracles, but for breath, safety, and daily provision. Isn’t that his “job” too? If we believe God deserves thanks for what he’s promised to do, why do we withhold appreciation from the people closest to us—especially when they show up daily?

This article explores why we often resist giving thanks for what we call “the basics,” and why doing so may be the key to deeper relationships, stronger marriages, and a more meaningful life.

Why Gratitude Feels Optional at Home

When you ask your spouse to thank you for helping with the kids or doing the dishes, and they say, “Why? That’s what you’re supposed to do,” what they’re really saying is: “I’ve stopped seeing your effort.”

And that’s a dangerous place for any relationship to land.

Psychologists call this “gratitude adaptation.” Over time, we get so used to someone’s presence and support that we no longer notice it. Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading researcher in the psychology of gratitude, found that:

“Gratitude is a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported by others.”
(The Little Book of Gratitude, Emmons, 2016)

But when we stop expressing it—especially in long-term relationships—we unintentionally teach our partners that they are expected but unappreciated.

And that erodes connection.

Awards for Mediocrity—or a Cry for Recognition?

There’s a cultural frustration with “participation trophies” and “awards for showing up”—but maybe the deeper issue isn’t over-recognition. Maybe it’s under-recognition at home.

If people aren’t thanked for doing the ordinary, day-in and day-out work that makes life function—then the workplace, school, or public stage becomes the only place where that appreciation exists. And yes, we do sometimes overcompensate in those areas.

But the real solution isn’t to roll our eyes at awards.
It’s to bring thankfulness back into the place it matters most: home.

What the Bible Teaches About Giving Thanks

Scripture repeatedly calls us to thank God for everything—not just the extraordinary.

• 1 Thessalonians 5:18 – “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
• Psalm 107:1 – “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
• Philippians 4:6 – “With thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

If we thank God for providing daily bread, which he promised, and for salvation, which is part of his nature as Redeemer, then we’re not thanking him only when he surprises us. We’re thanking him because we love him and recognize the value of what he gives—even if it’s expected.

The same is true in marriage.

We don’t thank each other only when something feels heroic. We thank each other because recognition is love in action. Because encouragement is fuel. Because gratitude builds connection.

The Cost of Withholding Gratitude

When we wait for someone to go “above and beyond” to earn our thanks, we’re setting the bar impossibly high. In reality, most of a person’s life will be made up of faithful, ordinary service:

• Going to work
• Paying bills
• Helping with bedtime
• Fixing what breaks
• Showing up again tomorrow

If we ignore all of that because it’s “his job” or “her responsibility,” we miss the chance to nurture the very person who’s helping hold the household together.

Love doesn’t grow in silence. It grows through appreciation.

What Gratitude Looks Like in Practice

Here’s how to build a more grateful home—even when things feel routine.

1. Say It Anyway

Even if it’s their job. Even if they always do it. Say thank you. Every time. Gratitude isn’t about surprise—it’s about relationship.

2. Recognize the Invisible Work

Notice what usually goes unnoticed: the car maintenance, the quiet parenting, the emotional support. Speak it out loud.

3. Be First to Appreciate

Don’t wait until you’re thanked to give thanks. Start the culture you want in your home.

4. Give the Gift of Encouragement

Sometimes a simple “thank you” becomes the only encouragement a person hears all day. Don’t underestimate its power.

You Don’t Have to Deserve Thanks to Receive It

God doesn’t require us to thank him—but he invites us to.
Why? Because gratitude draws us into deeper relationship with him.

The same is true for us.

Your spouse may not be perfect. But they’re showing up. They’re doing things that no one else sees. And even if it’s their job—you can still say thank you.

Because at the end of life, no one will regret saying thank you too much. But many will regret saying it too little.

Let’s not wait for the “above and beyond.” Let’s live with gratitude for the here and now.

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Further Reading & Resources

• Emmons, R. (2016). The Little Book of Gratitude. Gaia.
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.
• BibleGateway.com – Search verses about gratitude
• Why Gratitude Is Good – Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley: greatergood.berkeley.edu